Last year, when I was writing my ritual end of year wishes, I called my post ‘An Act of Faith’.
Little did I know at that point how much this would not only be my hope and wish but become a live theme throughout the year. Events amongst my friends and family, tragic losses, struggle, severe illness, faced me with what we are always faced with at such times, the possibility to drown or learn, to disappear in a spiral of powerlessness and grief or find, right where that spiral meets the earth under my feet, resources untapped into, neglected treasures, powers and blessings and the possibility of change I would have walked past blindly, had I not needed, wanted to dig and kick that door open.
Many little, repeated acts of faith have been had since, and some big ones. Each of these I will want to write better and more about in the new year.
Grief there has been, and loss, but I have witnessed and been part of some extraordinary miracles too, so much so that in the crack that opened within my habit driven mind and in my heart, I had to realise what miracles actually are, not the random, credit earned concession of some external force, but an active, committed, revolutionary inner process that requires choice, challenge, a complete paradigm shift regarding who and what we are, the uncompromising listening to what the soul (our intuition, our inner knowing) is pointing at – regardless of what all other voices say around us – and the courage, to follow, no matter what.
This calls for faith. This calls for re-examining what faith, as well, actually is! Not the religious construct of a faith in a being other than us, but the truly and deeply, life-of-all beings faith in our true nature, that whatever Light we profess to believe in, whatever we call what religions call by many names, whatever natural spirituality calls life force, nature, whatever the vision attached to this, it is us, and we are it.
There is no divide and therefore our body does not have ‘it’ inside of itself, but is itself inside of ‘it’, we all are this. We all affect each other, not matter what distance and place, we can all, and all do, move the energy, the actions, the thoughts, the decisions that change us and everything else. This is our power.
We also have limits, of course, this is our power too, to know and embrace our limitations, our shadows and so from there, stripped of everything’s we held onto, tap into the light we have forgotten, and be ‘graced’ by it and find – by opening up to it – help, out there, in here, and generate healing at whatever level we have access too, whatever alignment possible.
I know this has been said, written about, spoken. I am not wishing to add one more doctrine, one more enlightened teaching here. I am trying to describe what words can’t, the experience of stepping and feeling completely immersed into that centre of light and clarity, quietly conscious that this is not a ‘special’ place, but ‘home’.
Faith, trust that listening to soul and doing our best will bring what can be brought, and more than we imagine, that we can endure, change, grow, heal and act in ways beyond those we might feel encouraged to and are able to predict. Acts of faith imply the unknown, a trust that what is unknown now will show itself and that a choice that feels important, true and necessary, is still so, even if we don’t know where it leads. A trust, with this, that we will be and find what can support us along the way, that the way itself is already, in each moment, the destination; that not knowing opens more possibilities than those we restrict ourselves with by planning it all.
I have made radical choices too this year, following a soul call I heard a year ago, needing to trust, knowing this is all I know, but know it deeply and powerfully. It’s time now to go with my faith and find out.
I thank you all, my friends, family, my teachers in all forms, the wonderful beings I have crossed paths with, sometimes for a long stretch of time, in my work and I have said goodbye to, who have blessed me with profound sharing, let me into their soul, with words and insights and love that surprised, moved me and showed me parts of myself and what I am about I was completely oblivion to.
I thank Spirit, in all its forms, within and without and around. I thank mother/father/ sister and brother Nature in all its forms, within me and on this beautiful earth. I remember those dear ones who have crossed over into a different being this year, teachers all in my life to whom I owe gratitude and blessings of community and drum beat that have changed and enriched me. My love goes to those who will have threads and journeys of grief to unravel before finding ground again, this coming year, and those who have and are coming through to greater light.
May we all be the Light that we are,
and have the courage to follow, no matter what,
this year and beyond