God Or A Mouse

June 5, 2011


This is a poem sent through by my very dear friend and colleague Jayne Johnson and it is part of a trilogy, a process.

These speak to me of when the ‘flow’ gets tough, in the relational dance between us and the other; of when it comes up against turbulence and obstacles, winds get wild, the ground shakes,  the stream suddenly seems to be swallowed by underground currents, running deep into the earth, before it can reappear onto the surface, to the energy of renewal and growth that can be born this way.

They also tell me of the new, unexpected, nourishing connection that can be found , if we ride the turbulence without abandoning ourselves or
the other, until the old, predictable  landscape is allowed to fade, and the new unpredictable, unchartered, creative one is let emerge…but it is best not to say very much here and leave it all to speak to YOU.

God Or A Mouse

Who am I god or a mouse?

Do I need to be both, neither, for you?

As a friend, a companion, who can reflect back to you

The very thing you fear.

How do I see fully with one eye blinded by ‘the other’?

With myself, yourself, exposed to the squirming shame faces of reality

How can I ‘bare’ myself? How can you ‘bare’ yourself?

In this ever changing multitude of chaotic, simple me’s and you’s.

I am a changing, moving, growing bundle of cells,

Feelings, pasts, presents, futures

I can promise only one thing

I will not be the same in a moment.

I have gone, moved on

I am no longer the person you might have glimpsed a moment ago

How can we hope to meet in this madness called life?

Worse still how do I know myself without the mirror you carry in your being?

How can you hope to capture me, to hold me for an instant in time?

I’m ‘hear’, then, I’m somewhere else

The moment is lost, disappearing into the infinity of isolation

Do we only ever receive and give a blurred under or over exposed self image?

I am me – you are you – where are we?

Lost in the void of words, meanings, feelings, colours

As soon as you think you see me, I’m gone

No longer me, I’, now something else

It’s a paradox of a paradise, only dreamed of

I’m here – no not there I’m here

Please see me

But whatever you do don’t!

© 2011, Jayne Johnson, 31st May 2011

Read the other 2 poems, the completion of this trilogy, here

Thank you Jayne!


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About Filomena

Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Workshop & Community Rhythm Facilitator @ Core-Beat Drumming & Dancing At The Heart of Communities & Full Circle Therapeutic Pathways.

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